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One of my old high school friends (my ex-girlfriend actually... let's not revisit that) asked me to go to see Islands with her, and she asked me to get the tickets. Because she is lazy. But anyway, I was immediately like "oh, great, I've hardly been to any shows this year." But then I realized that I really don't want to go. I'm just not going to pick up the tickets. I don't like music people anymore. I don't want to look around at people in their silly "ironic" hats and turquoise skinny pants, and be judged by them, and (admittedly) judge them. And wonder what they listen to and what they think of what I listen to, and how many other people listen to it, and wonder what catty comment they'll make to their ever-so-distant friend about what they saw of me through their chunky lenses, and oh god. I just feel so... anomic... with that whole thing now. Who do you know "in the scene"? I don't want to anymore.

Also... I just thought to myself "I think I need new pants". I actually kind of need new... a lot of things. But I just never want to buy anything again. First of all, the act of buying has never been one I've favoured. And second of all, I am increasingly frustrated by the fact that you can't seem to wear anything without making some sort of "statement" or another. Like... I guess you wear clothes to be "cool", but if you don't buy into that, people assume you're trying to be "cool" anyway, by intentionally not participating in that. I think I'm just going to wear my bathrobe. But actually, my main source of clothes has been tourist shirts my parents buy me when they go on vacation, and I think that's fairly safe from statement-making besides saying "my parents go places and don't take me".

This seems so angsty, but actually it's just because it's midnight and I feel funky.