Posts

More point forms:
- I downloaded Alpha Centauri. Basically wanted that game for ~ 6 years. And then I was like, "Hey. The internet is so good for that." I also learned that I do not know anything about computers, but now I have a vague idea of what an iso is.
- I also legitimately downloaded the Creature Creator demo for Spore, which is fiiiiiinally coming out sometime soon. I really enjoy it, and will likely soon get the full version less legitimately.
- Went to the cottage. 2 days, ~ 8 episodes of rain, once when I was in the kayak. Saw "Across the Universe". I kind of wanted to hate it, but couldn't. Really, it was quite good.
- Okay seriously it rains all the time. Allll the time.
- So things with Professor are going famously! I suppose I should have provided interim updates since the last thing I said was that it was questionable, but everything seems to have smoothed out. Yayyy. I really like him. And we're going to spend my favourite holiday, aka Canada Day, together. Erm, magical...?
- Work yadda yadda. I have this week off. Gotta get my fill of Toronto before I'm off to the hinterlands come this weekend.
- Saw 2046. Not so great. Bad one, Mr Wong. (Interlude: Watched it with Professor. Putting my arm around someone makes me feel manly!)
- (Please note that Professor is but a nickname.... dating a real professor would imply a creepy age difference.)
- Free Harbourfront shows! (Nothing I like, though...)
- Okay so apparently starting a sentence with "As well," meaning also, is something we only do in Canada. I have Canadian and American neighbours: confirm? thoughts?
- I was at Sonic Boom! today (bought Milk Man and Intercontinental Champion), and some woman asked me "Excuse me, do you work here?" WHAT A COMPLIMENT!
- I finished Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town, which was really good. And set in TO! This was my second excellent Cory Doctorow, so I certainly recommend him. Oh and you can get I think most of his books for free on his website sooo.
- This song:

Deerhoof - Giga Dance

Deerhoof

I am actually still alive.

- I went on a roadtrip to northern Ontario for work. Really different. Most teachers there hate their lives, soooo.... not doing that, careerwise.
- I kind of hate work these days (compare entries from when I was just starting). Maybe it's just because of training, which is dull.
- I went to a street festival today, and it was really good. Bloor from Christie to Lansdowne (far!).
- I really like Milkis these days. Seems totally weird but it's actually amazing! The only soft drink I like.
- I met a boy called Professor on Sunday. I really like him, but he "does not feel as strongly" towards me, though he was "open to the idea". On reflection, I'm not sure whether by "the idea" he meant a relationship or sex, but I'm kind of hoping more for the former. Uh so that kind of sucks. However, I see this as somewhat positive. When that whole business with Samurai happened, I thought to myself (silly), "Oh I like him so much, what if I always have him in the back of my mind.... I won't ever find anyone that seems as compatible as he does." Blah blah blah. But Professor is just as suitable, and I already like him more than I ever liked Samurai. Well maybe. Not quite as much, but it's more positive. I was too fixated on Samurai. Though I am very wary of how I'm getting into that relationship "mood tide": I'm happier than my average happy when I have a good time with Prof, but am more mopey than average when... well when he says things like "I don't feel as strongly towards you as you do towards me." Not that that surprised me, because I seem to always (and I mean in friendships and my love life) like/appreciate/love people at least slightly more than they do me. But I know I'm just emotionally intense.
- I seriously like this Milkis stuff. You should try it! If you didn't click on the wiki-link, it's a Korean soft-drink, so look for it where you'd find that. Difficult perhaps for those that don't live like 5 minutes from the "Korean Business Area".
- I intended for this post to be short. I did not intend to discuss Professor, so there you go.

Fuck I had a good day. I packed myself a little picnic of depressing veggie sandwiches and walked down Bathurst to the Lake. I had [afternoon] lunch and read in the Music Garden, then wandered around Harbourfront and the CN Tower area, then walked back up Rees Street, spent a little time in another park, then proceeded home on Beverley.

It was lovvvely out.

Man I just remembered how craaaazy I was about The Mars Volta in high school. Like... insane fanboy. I just heard a song of theirs. Brings me back. And actually... I stopped listening to them when my tastes turned more like "indie pop"-wise, but now I'm kind of heading back in that musical direction anyway. You always get back to where you started. And I really do mean started. Growing up, I pretty much thought that my only musical options were a) the crap you saw on like "Much Music", and b) classical/jazz/etc. But there was so much more... And I'd say The Mars Volta was the first band I really liked. And by liked I mean loved. Of course nowadays they're more under the "Much Music crap" category. But it can't be helped.

Aaaanyway.

I just got back from a newmindspace pillow fight in Nathan Phillips Square (in front of city hall). Sooo fun. I totally went at it for an hour plus, and it went by so quickly. I'm a little dazed, I slightly chipped a tooth, and I think I swallowed a couple feathers (seriously), but it was hella hella fun. If all exercise were like that, I would totally be in shape. And I think it's a great thing those guys are doing. This is my city, I pay taxes (do I), and I am going to have fun in my public spaces. This is the first event by them I've been to, but they do lots of other stuff, like streetcar parties, and I look forward to it!

Story time. Thursday I went to work for a meeting. Oh PS, because our company is underbooked, I work like 2 or 3 days per week YET get paid salary, as if I work every day. It's unbelievable. But anyway, so we're all in there, and there'd been this other breakfast meeting before, so there was food left over which we were allowed to indulge in. And though I had just eaten, free food always stimulates my appetite. So I wolfed back a couple bagels and took a grape juice. I complained that it tasted like cough syrup grape, and someone said "Hey remember when you were a kid and they had those banana-flavoured antibiotics?" And we discussed that. I never had that stuff. Well actually I mentioned it to my mom and she said I did, but I was 2 so I can't be expected to remember.

Later that day, I met up with some Garg (newspaper) friends in the office. We sat around while one of our friends burned CDs for his show later that night. Then we went out for burritos (Big Fat Burrito, highly recommended), and after, I wanted popsicles. I got one of those red-white-blue ones, and my friend Diego got a banana-flavoured one. (You can see this coming). I said "I hate banana", and what does Emily say? "Hey remember when you were a kid and you had that banana-flavoured penicillin." So of course I was like "no way, oh my god", blah blah blah.

The show was good. Afterwards, we went to a bar. Usually I'm too scared for this, as I'm 18, but I figured fuck it. I didn't drink anyway, for reasons that are another story. But everyone else did. So some girl I do not know the name of was having some sort of fancy beer, and she says "Hmm... has a fruity aftertaste. Almost like... bananas." Yes. And as soon as she says it, someone pipes up, "Hey remember when you had that banana-flavoured amoxicillin as a kid." Thank goodness Emily was there, or else my subsequent spaz over it being the third instance in one day would have been lost on uncaring ears.

So I thought it was a weird coincidence.

Doors Open Toronto was today. It was good. A), I got to explore a lot of cool buildings, which I do when I'm not allowed to anyway, but this time I had explanations and could get into more places. And B), I enjoy any time when everyone is out and about in the city, a la Nuit Blanche. Note that I know that "a" needs an accent grave, but the alt-shortcuts for accents don't seem to exist for laptop. But anyway, people were wandering about, it was sunny, I got to go for long walky-walk.

One of my old high school friends (my ex-girlfriend actually... let's not revisit that) asked me to go to see Islands with her, and she asked me to get the tickets. Because she is lazy. But anyway, I was immediately like "oh, great, I've hardly been to any shows this year." But then I realized that I really don't want to go. I'm just not going to pick up the tickets. I don't like music people anymore. I don't want to look around at people in their silly "ironic" hats and turquoise skinny pants, and be judged by them, and (admittedly) judge them. And wonder what they listen to and what they think of what I listen to, and how many other people listen to it, and wonder what catty comment they'll make to their ever-so-distant friend about what they saw of me through their chunky lenses, and oh god. I just feel so... anomic... with that whole thing now. Who do you know "in the scene"? I don't want to anymore.

Also... I just thought to myself "I think I need new pants". I actually kind of need new... a lot of things. But I just never want to buy anything again. First of all, the act of buying has never been one I've favoured. And second of all, I am increasingly frustrated by the fact that you can't seem to wear anything without making some sort of "statement" or another. Like... I guess you wear clothes to be "cool", but if you don't buy into that, people assume you're trying to be "cool" anyway, by intentionally not participating in that. I think I'm just going to wear my bathrobe. But actually, my main source of clothes has been tourist shirts my parents buy me when they go on vacation, and I think that's fairly safe from statement-making besides saying "my parents go places and don't take me".

This seems so angsty, but actually it's just because it's midnight and I feel funky.

Okay so there's a lot that's happened.

I moved res buildings. This one is... much better than my old one haha. Not that I won't be happy to be back there in September. Especially after living in the suburbs for July and August. Um so yeah this building is so confusing, but I love to explore, so it's fun.

Work is a-mazing. I love working with kids, seriously. And every time it's gone so well. The kids are good, the workshop works out well, and I get good reviews from the teachers. I worked in my mom's school today, actually. She wasn't there, but the Grade 8 teacher booked me. I was really dreading this particular workshop because a) he was clearly going to report right back to my mom, and b) it's like the most boring, confusing workshop. But it worked out fine! Great even! DESPITE the fact that my materials crate was missing a crucial component. I just made up a replacement part and it went off without a hitch. It was amazing, and even though I'm pretty much burned out from low sleep and early mornings (at work at 6:45 today!), I am just so happy.

Yesterday, I seriously couldn't stop thinking "I think my life is perfect. My life is perfect." And I can feel that even though I know there are things I want but don't have. It doesn't make me too much less happy. I've realized that it isn't not having something that makes one sad, but rather the thought that not having that thing ought to make one sad. When I did that project in Grade 12 on happiness, the one main message was that it's all how you look at things - you make your own meaning and happiness. So like... yeah an outsider wouldn't say my life is perfect, but from the inside it is (I assure you).

Speaking of things I want but can't have, I helped my friend Samurai apply for an instructor position with my camp later in the summer. He wouldn't be working in the same place as me though, which is good because well, straight up, I'm kind of in love with him. Not actually love, mind you, but I don't want to say "like", because it's way too high school. Now if only he'd break up with his boyfriend. Which, objectively, I don't really want, because I think they're much better for each other than he and I would be. So. I'm pretty sure a lot of my annoyingly persistent interest in him is based in the fact that I barely even know any guys, so. Uh not many options. And as I said, I'm pretty content anyway, so I'm not really going to go looking.

Speaking of high school (yeah it's back there), I saw American Teen last night. For free. I'm pretty sure that in some location in the city, at any given time, there is something cool and free to do. And eat. For sure. Um but yeah the movie was really good. Though.. the director was there, and she said that she tried to avoid the sort of typical stereotypes... which she didn't do at all. But yeah it was still really good.

Today for work I had to man a station at a science carnival. Despite a day long of standing, it was quite fun. Besides, the post office got me tolerant to 8 hours of standing, so I'm okay with it. So basically, all day I made magic mud and showed it to kids.

Mmm... Everyone's moved out of res except for a few friends. And my building's being shut down for the summer, so I have to move to another one. But that room isn't ready yet, so I'm waiting in this room... one of like 3 people left in this half of the building. The whole thing's so... post-apocalyptic. Doors are swinging open, everything's empty. In the common area, everything's sitting oddly skewed. There are half-finished glasses of iced tea, and plates sitting out with the skeletal remains of a last chicken dinner. Everyone forgot the food they left in the common fridge. It's as if everyone just up and left. Which is kind of what actually happened. It doesn't help that the move-out deadline was in the middle of my work shift, so I left for work and there was still a community here, and when I came back... just me and my friend Izzy. We're hanging out in one of the open buildings, because it's pretty darn depressing here.

Not that there were that many people here last night. Like.... 8 of my friends from res were left last night. We went out for dinner, and when we came back, I commented "Hey guys, aren't you kind of expecting to be greeted by a bunch of people in the common room.... It's just us..." Sigh...

That being said, I'm really ready for the good times this summer. I thought I would dread cooking for myself, but we're all getting kind of excited planning meals and going grocery shopping. I doubt we'll be so excited after the first several meals, but we'll see.... Darn I wish I could stay the whole summer..

I finally went book shopping today. Walking down the street... I felt like time was going slower. Everyone was walking slower. I'm done... I'm not rushing anywhere. It's warm... no one's hurrying to get inside.

It's going to be fun.

RIP Venus Flytrap.

However! I am done exams. Done first year, done..... donedonedone. Hah! I'm happy.

But sad. Everyone's moving out. It's like... camp is over :-(. And some people will come back to camp next summer, but some people won't. And we'll all miss each other in between.

I start work tomorrrrrowwww. Bah. Too soon! Too soon!

My Venus Flytrap is dying. I don't know exactly what happened, but in one day, all of its mature traps died. It started putting up a new one, but then it just stopped growing and began to brown. I checked the bulb - I may be imagining it, but I think it's darkening too. Siiiigh. And I just thought it was starting to do well...

I guess it lasted a good 4 months, and they're notoriously hard to grow. For such a tiny damn plant... I'm not yet giving up on this one, but I may start looking for a new one. My third one. Do you know what happened to the first? I LOST IT. I lost a plant. It happened when I moved out of res for winter break. Somewhere in all the packing up it vanished - when I got home and noticed it missing I assumed I left it, but then I went back to my dorm to check and it wasn't there either. I have no clue what happened to it. Maybe it ran away?

The point is, going into Botany is looking increasingly questionable. I've had 4 plants this year - lost one, froze another, and seem to be killing a third.

On a positive note, my jade plant looks dandy! For now.

Also positive note: 4/5 exams complete. 4 days to freedom. And by freedom I mean starting work the next day.