This post is obnoxiously long, mostly because of the quote.
The Bio test was... questionable. Again I had trouble getting into the building, but found a more legitimate entrance than last time (see last post). It's funny - I saw a friend of mine, and she said "This is the sketchiest building on campus; I had to get in through like... the shipping entrance!" Hah.
The Bio lab (earlier that afternoon) was boring but insightful. As I said, it was on cooperative behaviour, and we dealt with the Prisoner's Dilemma. I guess I'll explain it here... basically it's any situation where you're interacting with someone else and you have the opportunity to either "cooperate" or "defect", and there's a certain "payoff matrix":
I cooperate, you cooperate: We both get the benefit, we both pay the cost.
I cooperate, you defect: I pay the cost without benefiting, you get the benefit without paying the cost.
I defect, you cooperate: You pay the cost without benefiting, I get the benefit without paying the cost.
We both defect: Neither of us gets or loses anything.
Situations like this are pretty common in human interactions as well as the natural world (hence it being in Bio). Example: we're two apes, and we come across each other. We can both pick fleas off of each other, and we both benefit, but if one of us doesn't pick fleas off of the other but lets the other pick fleas off of them, then that one will benefit more because they haven't wasted time and energy on the other one.
So, the lesson is that if you know you're only going to interact with the other individual once, it's most beneficial to defect, because it's always more energetically beneficial. However, this only works if they will sometimes cooperate, and if you are going to run into the same individuals, they'll remember that you're a cheater and also defect. So if you know you'll repeatedly interact, it's best to have a "tit-for-tat" strategy: start off by cooperating and then copy the last move of your partner.
The point is, whether to be "nice" or not depends on whether you'll see someone again, and I think that has a lot of applicability to society. I noticed this when I went skiing on the weekend - people have no problem cutting in line because they know they'll never see anyone again, and besides we're all covered up anyway. Where else is this poignant? The most anonymous environment there is: the Internet. People can be mean on the internet, holy crap, because if they piss anyone off seriously, they can just disappear or adopt a new identity.
Here's an example. I was watching this video on Youtube (I won't even go into what that says about society), and I couldn't believe what was going on in comments. Here's an abridged (sort of) version of a basically 3 week long comment war. I happen to think it's best enjoyed when read aloud in a deadpan, clinical voice.
Comments on "Party Boy, Corey Delaney Interview Part 2"
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: HE IS ONE STUPID! UGLY! CUNT!!!!
cdelia11: shut up goth
Lazl0ow: indeed, stupid goth.. you suck... cry baby cry
kdnk384: ahah you guys told that faggoty goth kid! / niiccce
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: you dont even know me! and by the way cry baby happens to be a really good movie!!! and for the record...you suck!
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: wow did it take you a lifetime to reaise that?
[intervening discussion]
wokkle: who corey if ur talkin bout him fuck off he was on of my old mates when he lived near me!
beefking69er: this guys such a faggot, if i see him in public me nd my fukin crew will kick his fucking ass then we'll go on the news and be smart asses.
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: Hello brainless follower....
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: COREY CAN SUCK MY DICK FOR ALL I CARE HE'S STILLAND UGLY STUPID CUNT!!! and i fell sorry for you living near him and also for having a poor judge of character...i cant believe you were his friend...how sad!
[much discussion proceeds]
Scotx2: if u look under dickhead, looser, dumb shit, faggot, try hard in the dictionary u would see a picture of this idiot!! he has no future, no hope, wont get a job and will recive benefits and waste good honest ppls money on "parties"
eatthatpopcorn: i know ur gay and would probably like for a guy like corey to suck your ****, but i doubt he would want to. / he's out of your league
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: Um i wouldnt even give him the chance to you stupid fuck!!! my league he dosent even hit my radar....he's basically and imature oxygen thief just like you if your inspiring to be just like him...GROW UP!!! YOU STUPID FUCK!
eatthatpopcorn: i think your screenname tells me all I need to know about you: You Have Issues.
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: Hmm from your screenname i get the feeling your one stupid fat fuck who likes eating popcorn and worshipping idiots!!!! am i right or what!!!
samleon2008: well i don't worship corey...or any other idiots
and i'm not fat / so sorry but it's not true it's false
Amagahd: armyofdarkness. . .lulz yer gay
samleon2008: true dat
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: suck my dick!
[more unrelated discussion]
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: sucky fucking dick you stupid gay bitch!!!
eatthatpopcorn: dang, you sure showed us! you totally proved you're not gay by asking a guy to suck your dick. / stop hating on avril and get a life.
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: who the fuck is avril....by the way a female can only be a lesbian technically!!!! besides i never said i wasnt gay dick head!!!!
eatthatpopcorn: this guy is funny. but seriously he's a big loser
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: you better be talking about yourself there!!!
eatthatpopcorn: here's the thing: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. and i don't care about corey or making you happy. / w/e / seriously you need to evaluate the reasons you have no social life. / don't bother responding i'm done with you
xxxarmyofdarknessxxx: I honestly dont give a shit what you think or say...why the fuck should you care about makeing me happy, i certainly dont care about you....no social life as apposed to you!!! display names dont mean anything you dick head....but ofcourse youre not smart enough to know that...i comment back because i think so people need to be told off you disposable cunt!!!! and i always get the last say...so shut the fuck up and take it like a bitch!!!
Thankfully, there are plenty of places on the Internet very much not like that. Like vox!
Our Bio lab is on cooperative behaviour. And, like any lab dealing with statistics, I know my TA is going to get very confused with the calculations and it's going to go very badly.
I am entirely not prepared for my Bio midterm this evening. Oh well, too late now.
There's not a cloud in the sky today, but in terms of Canadian winter, that means that is going to be damn cold out. Haha there's the weather talk again! Luckily I only have to go basically across the street and 15 m up to get to my Bio lab. But for the test tonight (when it's colder and treacherous) I have to cross campus to Tanz Neuroscience. Last time I had a test there, I left res like 5 minutes before it started, and then when I got there, the doors needed med student key passes to open. I eventually got in through - get this - the shipping entrance in the basement. And I looked very very foolish entering the test room. Could've been worse though - we heard people banging on the exterior doors for the first 10 minutes of the test.
It occured to me that this video fit well with last night's post. Apparently I'm not the only one who drew the comparison haha.
Today in Sociology we were talking about health and aging. The second half of the lecture was mainly about disability, how its definition changes with social climate, and how we're moving from "rehabilitation" focus to "normalization" focus. And I felt like there were a lot of parallels with gay, in terms of the normalization.
I mean obviously, there is the fact that both were (and still somewhat are) things people attempt to "fix", whereas those experiencing them don't often want to be "fixed". But more than that, I felt parallels with the internal experience of it. I've always objected to people defining themselves by their sexuality - making it their "master status" (again, a term from Soc - what an enlightening course). And I've basically thought, well, I mean it's just one descriptor in the long list of who I am. And our professor quoted a blind woman who said pretty much exactly the same thing. Loose quote: "If I were to describe myself, blind would only be one of many words, and I don't know if it would even be a top one." She also said (again, loose quote), "Being blind is just a feature of me as much as the shape of my hands or my particular predilection for salty foods. It's normal to me." Yeah, exactly.
When I say things to friends about it like "Well, it's just not a big deal" and they say "Well it IS..." But... I mean it just isn't. I'm gay but gay isn't who I am. I'm me! It's as normal to me as being straight is to someone who is, which is pretty damn normal considering how taken for granted it is. It should be a complete non-issue compared with something like blindness, which is always present - it's just sexuality, it isn't dictating my every action.
Another pertinent quote: "I like being blind, and I wouldn't change if I could. Yeah it's hard. No one doubts that being African American is hard, but would any of them change?" At this point someone in the audience shouted "Michael Jackson!" haha. But as for the quote, substitute gay for blind and you get the picture.
Anyway. The only reason I'm making this sort of post is that it's early morning, which is highly conducive to strong feelings about things.
My chain scarf is going well. I finally figured out how I was switching knit-purl on the wrong stitch, which was making one part of each "link" look funny. But now successive links are better.
My Bioethics assignment is only minimally happening.
Today's weather was terribly unpleasant. Really quite cold. And snow falling at about the rate and density of rain. Really small flakes.
Thinking about including that in this post led to this dialogue in the Common Room, featuring me, my neighbour, who I will designate with A, and my friend, let's say L.
Me: You know, I realized today that I am that boring person who always talks about the weather.
[I realized this long ago, but I brought it up like that]
L: Hah.
Me: I mean, with like Fung [the caf] staff, and with acquaintances, when they say "How are you?", I say "I'm good, it's cold," or "I'm okay, it's sunny out."
A: Yeah that's true.
L: I've never noticed that.
Me: Do you mean it's true about me or people in general?
A: I mean about you.
Me: That's because L is my friend, and you're my acquaintance.
A: Pff.
Me: I'm kidding.
[A leaves]
Me: I'm not kidding.
L: Haha.
I am an asshole in real life. "I.R.L." The acronym R.L. was used in this way in one of the university papers today, and I didn't really know what to think of that.
I called my old boss from the post office today. She's pregnant, 40, and a chain smoker. Good luck.
Some time mid-next week, I am going to be grossly behind on coursework. I'm just sort of teetering now. It'll work out.
But I don't want to get proactive! I just want to knit and listen to music. Allll day. Foxfire Forest are having a renaissance for me.
The lasagna at the cafeteria today is horrendous.
It is becoming increasingly apparent that my circle of close friends ("close") is dictated by people who understand my sense of humour, which can sometimes be... esoteric? Did I mention that my closest friend told me that I have "an unlikeable personality". This caused self-esteem damage of approximately 20%, though it was positive in that it made me care much less about others' opinions of me.
My friend from Jilin told me that if I move to China I should live in Hainan. I don't know how much this appeals to me, as it is quite warm, though said friend reports Chongqing to be much worse. Guangdong province is nearby, and it seems nice, though they are Cantonese there. Hangzhou or Nanjing are the most likely candidates for now. We'll see how this eventually pans out.
Ai-yah it's been a while since a post...
I listened to Black Moth Super Rainbow one hundred eighty-two times last week. I would every day if I could. I loooooove them... yeah anyway. They're good!
Danielson are also getting a lot of play these days.
It's finally seeming like spring these days aaaand it's going to snow tonight. A lot. Blahhh I am sick of it.
Today was incredibly productive. Considering the 5-7 hours of class I have on Mondays, I usually spend my between-class time dawdling. Today, however, I knew I had work to do and HUNKERED DOWN in the library - and I did a week of calculus in ~2 hours or so. Commitment!
I also handed in my application. For an instructor job at a science camp, I realized I hadn't put down the backstory for that.
Errrr I saw the Oscars. I hadn't seen any of the movies except for "Atonement" which I am rather a fan of. It won Best Original Score, which it really deserved. I found the soundtrack on Youtube. Good stuff.
Oh I went to Fresh on Saturday night with a friend. This is good because a) I need to get off campus more, and b) it reminded me how dayum good that place is. Vegan deliciousness. But it was quite a sitcommy fiasco. My friend was walking up Spadina, and there's a Fresh there. I'm up at the University, so the Bloor one is closer to me, but I told her I'd meet her down there since it was convenient for her. I changed (I'd been skiing with Dad that day) and walked down Spadina, and called her and said "I'm outside the door", to which she said "No you're not... where are you? I'm at Bloor". Insert laugh track. I didn't really find it funny at the time, but ten awkward minutes of sidewalk pacing later, she showed up via streetcar, and we had our delicious meal. I had a Thai burger made of I'm not sure what with a spicy peanut sauce. Goooood and perfectly filling.
I thought our waiter was a very cute guy. Turned out to be a girl, whoops... Well her style was tomboy verging on drag king, so I can't really be blamed.
We also had crepes at another place after. I didn't really want to, but my friend was going to a show later, so I kind of had to keep her occupied.
I actually read over alllll my Bio notes tonight. Am I ready for the test? Nopity-nope.
Caraway is by far my favourite spice. I would carry it around with me if I could. Most things I eat could use seasoning. And why not caraway. Maybe anise, too.
...Perhaps I will. I need to find a suitable container.
There was a fire downtown. Queen and Bathurst! It was a big one too. And in a historicish area of the city. Well, as much as any area of the city.
Also, there was a lunar eclipse tonight. Looked good from the top of the snow mound in the middle of the court.
A lot of my friends are big fans of Justice. However, I realized today that I had never bothered to listen to any of their music myself, so I looked some stuff up.
On the whole, enjoyable music, but not something that could really hold me for long. Case closed.
Happy Family Day! Aka Happy We-Need-a-February-Holiday Day!
No seriously. That's why we have it now. First year.
But I'm on Reading Week anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
My Groups
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Toronto Updated: Jun 7, 2008
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Asian Food T.O. Updated: Mar 9, 2008
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Chinaphile Updated: Oct 10, 2007
